Episode I of V – Barn Find
San Diego, California – 1979
What is it with two-legged beings and their cramped spaces? Can’t they just live outside like other legged creatures? Or at least leave space for a turning circle. They had parked me in what seemed to be an old barn, but it felt more like a prison. It was cold and dark and I was locked in by dozens of other cars. Some were younger than me. Others were very old and looked almost dead. None of us made a sound. I could hardly move, let alone breathe. The barn smelled of manure, oil and dust. I never liked being inside. It dries my rubbers.
“I never liked being inside. It dries my rubbers.”
Daylight started to peek through tiny cracks in the walls and made the ceiling look like a night sky full of stars. I could hear the sound of birds waking. I became aware of other noises; Cows entering the fields; A bellowing tractor driving past. Suddenly I heard the sound of a door being opened. Someone flicked a switch and the lights slowly started to glow, filling the space with a bright yellow light. My eyes were covered with dust. It took me some time to realise what was going on.
A large male twoleg had entered the barn. He was whistling as he walked straight towards me. He stopped in front of my bonnet and started to talk. “Alright old girl. Someone wants to check you out. Here’s the deal. You behave yourself. If she likes you, there might be a nice new driveway waiting for you. Just don’t cause any problems. Understood?” The twoleg then gave my hood a soft tap, opened my door and got behind my wheel. His breath smelled much like the barn. “Let’s go for a spin!” he panted. The birds stopped singing as he turned the key to start my engine. His foot pushed down hard on my gas pedal.
“His breath smelled much like the barn.”
It was still early, but I could already feel my chassis heating up under the Californian sun. The road looked like a minefield, but the twoleg carefully steered me around the potholes. Driving outside made me feel a lot better. My engine heated up, the wind rushing past my panels and the tarmac massaging my tires. I was just starting to relax, when the twoleg turned around and headed us back to the barn. My heart sank. Please don’t lock me up in that horrible place again!
When we arrived back at the barn, I noticed something was different. There was another car parked outside that had not been there before. We stopped right next to it. Two female twolegs stepped out of the other car and walked around to meet us. The smelly male twoleg jumped out of me and shouted: “Good morning Misses Coffman! Glad to see you. I was just warming her up. Would you like to try for yourself?” She looked at me and smiled.